Forewarning: This post may be a
little graphic or TMI for some, a little Debbie downer for others, but I have
it on my mind and I feel the need to express it.
Life has been extremely hard the
last little while; emotionally and physically draining to say the least.
I
haven’t been feeling the best for the last couple of months; I guess two to be
exact. I have been getting really dizzy, nausea, and stomach pains from hell. Since
having my gallbladder out about 4 years ago, this was nothing new to me. I kind
of just kept pushing through the pain and never really thought much about it.
It wasn’t until last month, while visiting Brecken, which things seriously took
a turn. My stomach pain turned serious, to the point that I didn’t want to get
out of bed. I honestly felt like I had when I was having all my gallbladder issues
years ago, it wasn’t fun to say the least. I spend the entire last day of my
trip in bed. As soon as I got home, I had to talk to someone about it.
I decided to call and talk to my
doctor about the pain, she told me that she would like me to switch my probotic
and start a detox cleanse of my body as soon as possible. (I try to do as much
herbal as possible, before doing anything pharmaceutical.) She thought that there was a possibility that
there was virus in my body, one that had been going around Southern Utah. The
bad part, I have a horrible immune system, due to being sick so many years ago,
and it hasn’t exactly recovered to say the least. After talking to Kati, my
best friends, she recommended the probiotic she has been using, Acidophilus.
So, here I am a month later after switching my probiotic and doing a detox
cleanse; feeling a lot better. It took my body about two weeks to completely normalize
itself out, get back to its regular state, but it was so worth it. When picking
out the Acidophilus, I found out there are two kinds; shelve or refrigerated. I
went with the refrigerated kind, because it has a greater chance of being
affective, since Acidophilus is a live bacteria.
Wait, there is more…
When I got home from being in
North Dakota, I have my favorite yearly; completely joking. Not even 3 days
later after my test, I received a call from the doctor’s office. My heart sank
thinking that there is something wrong. I have always been scared of having an
abnormal test come back, because of all the cancer that is within my family.
Then, it happened, I received that dreadful call that I didn’t ever want to
experience. I had an abnormal test come back, needed more testing. I will be honest;
the week I had to wait was horrible. I thought about it all the time. I was so scared;
my sister’s mother had just been diagnosed with Cancer, I’ve had friends’ loved
ones diagnosed, and so many family members with problems; I immediately starting
thinking the worst. Scared out of my mind, I went to my doctor appointment, had
a few samples removed. When the results came back a week later, they said
simple, looks like things are fine, but there are some places that we will need
to be watching over the next little while. All I know, is in the moment, it was
immediate relief that washed over me. Nothing serious, just watching to make
sure nothing abnormal happens. All I can say, is the thought of something
happening scared me enough, I can’t even imagine having received the news that
something serious was wrong. I admire those who have cancer or serious things
that have to be treated, you have strength.
Wait, this isn’t the end of it…
there is still more.
I received news that we had a family member
pass away unexpectedly a couple weeks ago. It honestly hit me a lot harder than
I would have expected it too, even though we were cousins, we weren’t close. I
think the fact is that, I was there at one point in my life. Depression is such
a hard disease to deal with and not a lot of people will ever understand it.
Especially those whom have never experienced the kind of ‘cloud’ it puts you
into. Standing there that day, watching the family members try and understand
was extremely hard for me. Taking a step back to see how it has affected the
entire family, not just his wife and kids, really had me. I was an emotional wreck;
it still is affecting me honestly. Being able to see how healthy I am and how
much I understand my depression now, makes me feel blessed. My heart really
aches for what he was going through, because it is really is such an incredibly
hard thing to deal with and understand.
As you can see, there has been a
lot on my mind lately. It makes it hard to get into the swing of things on this
little blog with so much going on. I can’t seem to focus, so sitting down to finish
posts are hard, I am hoping that this really helps me get back into the swing
of things… Because I have some adorable outfits to share with you, just need to
get my butt in gear and get some photos taken.
Also, I have been thinking about possible doing a series about personal struggles. Like, the affect and outcome of living with depression and anxiety. How I deal and have overcome it. Advice and questions. What do you think?
If you have made it all the way to the end, well thank you, I appreciate all the time. I knew it was a lot longer than I have anticipated it to be.
