Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The pursuit of happiness, or alteast mine.

So it has been a long while since I last had a chance to write. A lot of crazy things have happened in my life lately. Things that have made me realize what is truly important to me and what I want in my day to day life. I can’t believe how much I miss something until it is gone, and then reappears in your life unsuspected. I am so grateful for all the many blessings that I have had in my life in the last 6 months or so. I met Justin, and dated him for a short while. He reminded me how much I missed the church, and after all that had happened with my old ward; for the first time in a long time I wanted to go back. I felt so at home learning with him beside me in a place that was so amazing. The feelings that I got as I sat there on Sunday in sacrament and listened to a girl speak on how you can’t let other take away something that is so important to you. I decided right then, this is what I want in my life. I truly want to be married in the temple, I want to have my child brought up in the gospel, I want the priesthood to be present in my home, I want to be married not only to my best friend but to the love of my life; but most of all I want to have that relationship with my heavenly father that Justin has with him. Justin is an amazing person, the way that he brings you up with just a smile and a few short words. The words of the church flow through his mouth as if he was the one who wrote down the scriptures himself. It is honestly amazing to me the spirit that he cares with himself. He not only has an amazing relationship with heavenly father, but his relationship with his family is phenomenal. The relationship that I missed with my own family, I learned so much from him. I started to fix things with my family, and we started getting along so much better. I missed the day of the long conversations that I could have with my mom. The relationship and feeling of security that my dad brought when he was helping me out with anything big or small. The relationship that I could get along with my brother, not fight and honestly enjoy each others company. When august came and things ended with Justin and I, I can honestly say for the first time “I missed just being able to see someone that made me smile as much as he did.” And “I miss the friendship that we had, the love that he made me feel, the security of his hugs, the touch when our hands intertwined, and the knowing that he was there whenever I needed him the most.” Though our time was short, Justin set the bar high for the man that I will marry. He made me understand what I really wanted, not only physical but emotionally too. I have to say “Justin Milo Vaughn, thank you for everything that we shared, thank you for everything that you taught me, and I hope that one day in the future that our paths will cross again; we will one day be friends. Love always, McKenzie Elizabeth Spafford.”

August, September, October, November, and December all seemed to blur together. I started miss more and more of church due to this sickness that overwhelmed my body. I constantly was home sick, and not just a little sick. I could hardly get myself out of bed, my body was to the point that it could not move. December 24, 2009 I got so sick and the pain in my stomach got so intense that I thought someone was stabbing me with a knife. Phil told me to never be scared to ask for a blessing, so I did. Best thing ever, I got relief for the night. Christmas day came and I still was not feeling good, so too the emergency room we went. I spent 5 hours of my Christmas in Riverton Hospital Emergency Room; how fun huh? After being sent home told that I was imaging things and that nothing was wrong with me, my mom was infuriated. We got home on Sunday and first thing Monday morning she made a call to a dear friend of our family. Dr. Bruce Williams got me a scan at the hospital within 30 minutes. 1 ½ hours later, after the scan was done, we got the results within a few short 20 or so minutes. I was to have surgery that day, to have my gallbladder out. It was serious, and it had to be done. Ah, I was now scared. Once it was all said and done, I sit her on my bed thankful that the blessing I asked for said “please give McKenzie relief from the pain that she is feeling, and that the doctors will be able to see what is attacking her body and causing all this trouble for her.” It has been hard, but it will be worth it. I can’t wait to be able to go and do something again. I can’t wait to have dinner and go bowling with Brooke, and I can’t wait to be able to not worry about how much I am carrying. Kind of is a pain, if you ask me, but I will follow the doctor’s orders so that I will get better! Soon!

I have had a lot of emotions going through my head this last week. I feel that I have fallen away from the one thing that I told myself I wanted so badly. Today, I decided to read someone’s blog. I have a hard time with this person, but for some reason I thought about it on my ride home and I had a feeling that I had to do it. It was weird for me to even think about it, but I acted upon my feeling. This was exactly what I needed. I say a video and read the words that were typed before me. I read from top to bottom, I couldn’t stop. I found myself in tears as I thought about my life. Right here I made a decision. No matter what I will get up on Sunday morning and I will go to church. I will sit there in my college ward and I will smile. I want to learn, I want to know, I want understanding, and I want to have the knowledge that the scriptures will give me. I want to build up my testimony again. I want the church in my life. I think that you should all watch this video; I will put the link below. Please do it. If you don’t have time now, save it the link and visit it soon. I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me. Watch and think.

Sometimes, the lord works in mysterious ways. He knows what you need, just when you need it. Please, don’t ever just not follow through with one of his promptings, it could be big or it could be small, but it is important.

Thank you for reading, I know this was long but I had to share it with all of you.

Love always, Kenz.

No comments:

Post a Comment